Exciting times ahead for Cabalcorp Global Unlimited! We're hiring for a new Junior Associate Executive Director of Intangible Tangibles And Non Monetary Finance!
Our last JAEDITNMF was killed in an unfortuate uprising that occured in one of our labour camps so we're looking to move quickly on this.
About us:
At Cabalcorp Global Unlimited™, we don’t just push boundaries, we quietly relocate them to undisclosed jurisdictions and invoice them for the privilege. Our mission is simple: maximize output, minimize questions, and cultivate a workplace ecosystem so immersive you’ll forget what sunlight feels like.
About you:
Due to the less than ideal circumstances surrounding the departure of our last Junior Associate Executive Director of Intangible Tangibles and Non Monetary Finance, we're looking for someone with a little more moxy this time. The following skills will be essential in getting the most out of this role:
- You care about shareholder value more than your family (ideally you rfamily is dead. Even more ideally, you killed them)
- You've never once said “why are we doing this” or “is this ethical” or “what about the children”
- You're profficeint with 50. cal weaponry
- You've never been convicted of a crime
- You've comitted many crimes
- You're proffient with all standard information extraction methods (brazen bull, the rack, the iron maiden, scalbels, cattle prods/branders, etc.)
- Willing to be held in contempt of the ICJ
- Willing to stand in the ICJ
- Willing to engage in trial by combat as a default resolution method for all workplace disputes.
- Willing to do litterally anything else that's asked of you with less than 2 (pre-approved) follow up questions.
Working hours are full time (as in 24/7) and renumeration will occasionally be paid out in bitcoin or swiss francs, with the primary form of compensation being cattle.
Due to the high volume of applicants, we aren't able to respond to anyone, if you haven't been abducted in the night by the 30th of June, consider your application unsuccessful at this time.